Women's Sexuality Through Time. Part IV
Sex doesn't disappear after the settling down phase. Approaching and living through the golden years brings yet another twist to woman's sex life. Pregnancy, establishing a career, children, and in-laws are no longer a significant worry and women in their golden years tend to feel most confident being themselves around others. This confidence translates into a more liberated approach to sex and women in this stage tend to be at their most relaxed sexually. However, for a woman in her golden years, along with a greater satisfaction in oneself comes the realization that a woman is no longer appears young. Although coming to terms with one's physical change can impact a woman's sense of her own attractiveness, the increased comfort in one's person makes this transition easier for many women. In this last installment of our four part article, the negative and positive impacts of sex in the golden years will be analyzed with particular attention given to what may hinder the golden woman's complete enjoyment of sex.
SEX IN THE GOLDEN YEARS
If you have spent any time watching Blanche, Dorothy, Rose, and Sophia on the Golden Girls sitcom, then there is a lesson to be learned from the fabulous foursome: sex and age are compatible, highly compatible if you're one of the four! Bea Arthurs, who plays the role of Dorothy, best sums up the appeal of the show: "I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that there were these old, postmenopausal ladies who looked good, wore fabulous earrings, dressed well and had very active sex lives. It showed people that old people don't have to look and smell funny and hide in the corner" (lifetimetv.com). Age and sex appeal can work hand in hand, and there is no reason that aging gracefully shouldn't include a healthy sex life, whether it be with your lifetime partner, a lover or with a sextoy!
Unfortunately one cannot ignore many of the health risks that accompany the golden years. Many of the physical changes associated with aging may impact a woman's sexuality and sex life. For instance, perimenopause results in mood swings, hot flashes, thinning of the vaginal walls and decreased natural lubrication and these changes can affect and alter the emotional tone of relationships as well as sexual practices according to Coralie Scherer, Ph.D. Responsiveness and interest in sex can wane with the onset of heart disease, diabetes, cancer, depression and osteoporosis or with increased use of certain medications used to treat medical conditions. For the physical discomforts that may come with sex in later years, lubrication can always ease some of the discomfort and studies have shown that an active sex life, alone or with a partner, decreases depression and helps one feel better about oneself. Psychologically a woman in her golden years may feel neglected or emotionally distressed if her partner develops erectile dysfunction. Loss of a partner through divorce or widowhood can result in a state of such intense bereavement that a woman neglects her sexual needs, furthering her depression and estrangement from her self. Sexually transmitted diseases are an additional worry if the woman were to date as sexually transmitted diseases are on the rise in the 50 plus age group.
LOOK BEYOND PHYSICAL FACTORS
"But regardless of what stage of life she's in, when a woman is not enjoying sex she needs to look beyond the endless physiological aspects of arousal, stimulation techniques, positions and orgasms — areas which are often the primary concern of men and represent a male model of sexual performance" (Coralie Scherer, Ph.D). Safety, trust, emotional intimacy, power struggles, exhaustion or body image are frequent concerns of women at all stages of their sexual life and are issues which are not easily overcome. A one-size-fits-all model of sexuality for both men and women does not work and relationship and emotional issues can take a heavy toll on a woman's sexual interest and functioning. Sex is more than just blood flow and friction, after all.